3 AM I woke panting…gasping for my breath for 5 seconds, I can’t move. It does not usually happen to me so I gather my strength and tried as hard as I could to stay calm. Moments later I was there lying in the bed breathing normally.
Why do I feel this way? Why so sudden.
I wrote that paragraph above over a month ago. I didn’t finish it for the reason I don’t even know. There is so many things going on in all aspects of my life. It was fleeting. Exhilarating. Mind boggling. How could I manage it? Surely I’m a sucker at prioritizing tasks that looking back there are lots of things I failed to accomplish. Goals was set aside. Trips postponed. And words left unspoken. But there is one thing I gained. I learned to love. Yes. I learned to love life. I learned to love myself. The first half of 2016 will officially end but for 6 months I discover things I never thought I would.
I learned to accept that things will not always go as planned. Know what you want. Do things you need to do to achieve it. Pray. And took a deep breath while you wait for it to happen.
The amount of time you spend doing something determines its importance in your life. I will not change my laundry day for something unimportant. Never haha. So if I said yes going out on a Tuesday night, man we’re close.
Sometimes we end up asking for the things we initially hated. Here is the thing, when you are a child you see situations black and white. I used to see tears in other people’s eyes and I told myself that for me not to be trapped in that same place, there are things I should avoid. Then one day, here I am and all I wanted is to plunge myself in that same thing I keep myself from all my life. Are the reasons enough? Will it all be worth it?
Never be afraid to say what you feel. Will you be rejected? Probably, yes. But there is also a 50% chance that you will not. Courage is just a little thing, that could change your life forever. A friend once told me, never miss a chance not getting the things that you want because you are too scared to fail.
Move on. This is the hardest part. It is important to feel the hurt, grieve as much as possible. But give yourself a deadline, tell yourself that next month I will never dwell on my failure. Feel the pain, because your mind and body needs to be aware that you lost but don’t be so accustomed to it that it becomes your lifestyle. Make space for new people, new adventure.
I travel a lot, go to concerts a lot. I love it and wanted to do it as often as I could. But if you ask me what is the day that matters to me the most? It’s a lazy day spent with people I care about. Love doesn’t have to be grand, it doesn’t have to be explosive. It’s plain and simple. Live life. Cry. Laugh. Be broken, get fixed. There are things I can’t explain and still live without even knowing what it really means. Like that one night, was it a dream or a feeling I suppressed. Maybe I’ll find the answers to my questions, maybe not. I will just keep myself open. That’s how we learn. That’s how we roll. 🙂