This past few days wasn’t easy, I lost someone very dear to my heart – Mama. April 1, 2016 at 4:16 PM I received a call from Manong, his voice wasn’t clear he is sobbing, “Did Nanay texted you? Mama is gone.” “What?” That didn’t register so well. I was in the comfort room so I walked in the corner and asked again. I gave an unsure cry then stopping right away, I need to verify that. I might be a subject of their ill joke, a very bad one. The signal was not cooperating so I went outside. “What are you talking about?” I asked again. “Mama is gone, wait I have to call Nanay” he answered and hang up. Then this was the longest 5 minutes of my life.

I can’t believe what I heard, last night Mama and I was just on the phone. She kept on talking about the lumpia shes preparing for the grand reunion in our elementary alma mater. With every chance she could get she kept mentioning how much she wanted to get a perm. I would tell her “Ma your still beautiful. Natural beauty dapat Ma.” “Ma gwapa kaman ya japon” I’m trying to make her laugh but for her its a serious business. I don’t know but the idea of recording our conversation crossed my mind. I thought I need to record this and collect it, I would oftentimes crack a joke and boy I never failed. Me even projecting in the camera while we video call is always a hit, with her I never miss. I never felt like she is saying goodbye. That I thought was wrong. It was.
I was trying to reach both Nanay and Manong but to no avail. 4:21 PM, Manong’s name flashes on my screen. He was crying profusely, I also cried hard and even harder when she gave the phone to my niece. I was with my vg friends so we prayed. I was closing my eyes not thinking much of what is happening around me. When I opened my eyes it was damp and raining so hard. It was like God saying she’ll be in a better place now, in my kingdom. I excused myself if I could go ahead of them and thoughtful as they are they even accompany me to church. I went to attend a mass before going home. When I reached home I wanted to be strong and felt that I’m going to be ok, I had already cried enough. Trying to do normal things I browse my facebook and saw my niece’s post about Mama. I cried endlessly, it suddenly dawned on me. I was just crying, even wailing. I only stopped when I felt that I can’t barely breath. No one is around and my only housemate was asleep, something might happen to me and they will only realize it hours later. I put myself together and went to my room.

Days had gone. 12 days to be exact. I’m on my way home and see Mama’s body. For the first time I won’t be coming home running just to hug her frail body, alive. For days I was laughing with my friends not showing any hint of grief, now I have to face it. I don’t want to look so devastated but by the looks of it I don’t know if I can handle it. On the plane I remember memories and I just wanna cry. Just a few more minutes, an hour perhaps. Am I ready to go home? I dont think so. But I will, for Mama.


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